Everyone Should Love Michelle Branch

Greetings Christian here,

It’s early December, finals are looming, and the days are slowly getting shorter. My first inclination is go to sleep and wish away the high stress environment, the responsibilities, and any ideas pertaining to my classes being the key to my future. My second inclination is to blast Michelle Branch.

Michelle Ranch. It’s not a typo; it’s a condiment. “Creamy, tangy, tart, delicious.” [Jacob Coblenz on ranch]. These are the perfect words to describe the sultry melodies and delicious lyrics capable of pulling me out of even the most troubling stupors. I mean “if I just breathe let it fill the space between, I’ll know; everything is alright.” It’s brilliant. And it’s not just her lift-me-out-of-crappy-situations jams that we love her for. No, Michelle is versatile. Not only did she tour with Hansen (yeah ladies, MMMbop Hansen) early in her career, but she also won a Grammy for her collabo with Santana, and was the Prom DJ in The Hot Chick (which featured Rachel McAdams before she was a thing). If you want a girl with questionably ethnic features who’s probably going to sing in the rain at some point in the music video Michelle Branch is by far the way to go.

Middle Part <3 (I ONLY LIKE IT ON HER!)

Besides transcending genre on a day to day (as she was clearly the talented half of The Wreckers) Michelle Branch is the epitome of everything that is good and fashionable. She brought back the middle part, paired it with a hippie-esque head band. How many singers can boast that they have a tattoo of a cowgirl on their forearm? Only one that is relevant: Michelle Branch. She doesn’t dress for the media; she wears whatever the hell she wants, and it’s great!

That Happened.

I’ve learned a lot from my quality time with Michelle. She taught me confidence when she sang on that subway, she taught me that following the guy I have a crush on with a guitar will definitely make him fall in love with me, and that in the best music videos nothing actually happens, because my pissed off face and angry lyrics are just enough to get the point across. Moral of the story: when you need to feel loved listen to All You Wanted, when you’re falling for someone listen to Everywhere, and when you’re breaking up with that son of a witch because he kissed your sister listen to Are You Happy Now. When you get to college and you need to make friends it’s easy, just make like Michelle and Branch.

This is PURE EMOTION.